Those raw moments when you first meet someone and become friends are memories we usually cherish the most; memories of which we look back on and smile. But for some, it would be memories we wish we could forget. There are times when I wished I could tell the future, times where I wish I knew that meeting and befriending a certain someone would in some way turn into a regret down the track; though if we could, life would become too dictated and boring. Plus we wouldn’t even learn from our mistakes.
It’s quite funny sometimes, or even silly to think that back then you treated that person like they meant something to you, but down the track it turned into a joke for them. You wonder, when did it start to go wrong? You thought this friendship was going to last a life time and yet it turns out that it had already ended before you could even start to imagine that you guys would be ‘chilling in front of the tv at a nursing home together in our badass wheelchairs and milk tea‘.
With things like this, people often tell you to not worry and ‘move on’ with life; true and it is an obvious and most likely the wisest choice. But sometimes when it crosses your mind, it’s really hard ignoring. In a sense, it just sucks..that this actually happened. And from there, you begin to fume and grow hatred towards this person; because this person that you once treasured as being not only just an acquaintance, but a friend worth trusting. Worth investing time and effort into growing your friendship, this human being has made a full 180 degree turn and pushed you away. Surely that makes you angry?! Surely in some way it just makes you want to go egg their house and ask why..?
Your mind races around as it brings up all the memories you once had with them. All the dumb jokes you had between the two of you, all the conversations you had over food, even laughing till you both could barely breath. It’s confusing. It’s scary to even think that a friendship you thought would last a lifetime went down just like that.
Well to be honest, what can you do? It’s hard to say. One could suggest to tell this person to get f*****. Full on hate their guts and continue to do so for the rest of your life. And whenever you see this person, stare them down like they did you wrong because that’s what you want them to know. Or you know what, who cares?! Why must you yourself, waste your time and energy hating on that person when they never really cared about you or this in the first place? Because hey, if they never found value in this friendship then why should you?
There will always be tension because it seems like there are some unfinished business between the two of you. You brainstorm and think of all these valid arguments and retaliations and form a wild and heated dialogue in your mind. And you know what, that felt good; but only for a few seconds..before returning to reality and realise you never said anything along the lines of what you just thought of but instead, stood there in silence and oblivion. It hurts man; honestly.
Friendship…those who come and go are honestly not worth fighting for. Those who conveniently take advantage of your kindness and trample all over it like it’s trash are not worth an ounce of your forgiveness. It’s a s*** feeling. It’s something no one would ever want to go through. But I guess…that’s what we call life. Hard to tell, Hard to predict. Even harder to live through mistakes you’ve made. It’s tougher than it looks. It’s just a series of unfortunate events.
– T.
Benevolent 