Self-Centred 

Those raw moments when you first meet someone and become friends are memories we usually cherish the most; memories of which we look back on and smile. But for some, it would be memories we wish we could forget. There are times when I wished I could tell the future, times where I wish I knew that meeting and befriending a certain someone would in some way turn into a regret down the track; though if we could, life would become too dictated and boring. Plus we wouldn’t even learn from our mistakes.

It’s quite funny sometimes, or even silly to think that back then you treated that person like they meant something to you, but down the track it turned into a joke for them. You wonder, when did it start to go wrong? You thought this friendship was going to last a life time and yet it turns out that it had already ended before you could even start to imagine that you guys would be ‘chilling in front of the tv at a nursing home together in our badass wheelchairs and milk tea‘.

With things like this, people often tell you to not worry and ‘move on’ with life; true and it is an obvious and most likely the wisest choice. But sometimes when it crosses your mind, it’s really hard ignoring. In a sense, it just sucks..that this actually happened. And from there, you begin to fume and grow hatred towards this person; because this person that you once treasured as being not only just an acquaintance, but a friend worth trusting. Worth investing time and effort into growing your friendship, this human being has made a full 180 degree turn and pushed you away. Surely that makes you angry?! Surely in some way it just makes you want to go egg their house and ask why..?

Your mind races around as it brings up all the memories you once had with them. All the dumb jokes you had between the two of you, all the conversations you had over food, even laughing till you both could barely breath. It’s confusing. It’s scary to even think that a friendship you thought would last a lifetime went down just like that.

Well to be honest, what can you do? It’s hard to say. One could suggest to tell this person to get f*****. Full on hate their guts and continue to do so for the rest of your life. And whenever you see this person, stare them down like they did you wrong because that’s what you want them to know. Or you know what, who cares?! Why must you yourself, waste your time and energy hating on that person when they never really cared about you or this in the first place? Because hey, if they never found value in this friendship then why should you?

There will always be tension because it seems like there are some unfinished business between the two of you. You brainstorm and think of all these valid arguments and retaliations and form a wild and heated dialogue in your mind. And you know what, that felt good; but only for a few seconds..before returning to reality and realise you never said anything along the lines of what you just thought of but instead, stood there in silence and oblivion. It hurts man; honestly.
Friendship…those who come and go are honestly not worth fighting for. Those who conveniently take advantage of your kindness and trample all over it like it’s trash are not worth an ounce of your forgiveness. It’s a s*** feeling. It’s something no one would ever want to go through. But I guess…that’s what we call life. Hard to tell, Hard to predict. Even harder to live through mistakes you’ve made. It’s tougher than it looks. It’s just a series of unfortunate events. 

– T.

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Decisions

Sleep deprivation; the only thing that most…wait not most..probably all students suffer from when it hits exam time. We cram, we sleep less, we eat less (and more unhealthy food), we even see the sun less since we’re always indoors all day either at the library or in our bedroom studying our asses off in hope to get a good grade, or at least pass. We get stressed, we panic, we get sucked into this delusion that we are not going to pass and ultimately just end up thinking, why…? why did I put myself through this…. you feel me? I’m sure you do. You’re probably suppose to be studying right now too, but instead you’re browsing the net, scrolling mindlessly on Facebook hoping something may strike your attention so that it can take your mind off those seemingly useless (why do I even need to know this) lecture notes; even if it was only for a little moment.

Poor you, or shall I say us? I too have and had my fair share of the pain and the agony. It is hard I know. We all tend to forget though…why we chose to do it. We complain, we moan, we get irritated, we even let out the BIGGEST sigh, repeatedly. All these emotions makes us forget why we chose this path. The gathering of knowledge, the application of such knowledge, the development of this; it is honestly a never ending circle. But who says it isn’t an experience worth enjoying?  Who says it should be the most hated activity? You’re probably thinking where has my sanity gone right? why would she think that studying is fun and enjoyable?! Well..why not?

Don’t get my wrong, sometimes I do HATE studying, especially if it is completely and utterly useless and not applicable to me and my future career, which is probably in most cases how almost everyone is feeling at the moment. Every time I enter a study space; besides the infrequent laughs amongst peers, all I see are emotionless faces. I sense boredom, anger to even hatred. It is definitely a sad space to be in. It sucks, I know. We often dwell in these momentary feelings and begin to contemplate and maybe even regret choosing this particular path. For all I know, maybe all we wanted was to earn good money and live a simple life. Not go through the torment of studying and cramming and the stress of sitting the exam on a little square table which is HONESTLY the smallest table one could ever want to do exams on….its ridiculous. One paper, two hours and a whole lot of cramming decides your next step. Whether you pass with a good grade, you pass but just merely or…you don’t and the subject(s) must be repeated, otherwise you won’t be able to graduate. Your hecs fee goes up…your motivation goes down, the list can honestly go on for a while.

Why do we let ourselves be tormented by all this? Oh that’s right, because we supposedly chose to put ourselves through all this. It’s okay, it’s not like we haven’t made rash decisions before right..? Like the time you chose to devour a family meal from KFC all by yourself because you thought that was the best thing to do for your empty stomach but you INSTANTLY regret it right after? It’s okay, we all do it. But you enjoyed it right? When those lips met those tender, juicy chicken meat while you tore off that crunchy flavoursome skin with your teeth, you honestly fell in love. Or drowning those nicely salted potato chips in that little pot of gravy before allowing it to enter your mouth. Salivating? Ditto. I know..life is hard, we can never make the right decisions. For some, it seems like everything you choose is the wrong answer for you. But for others, having that extra sugar in their coffee, or buying that top online was probably the best decision they have made.

Studying sucks, but it only sucks if you don’t like the content. Or say that the degree you chose is definitely the one you wanted but the subjects you need to pass to get that degree is what you hate. Well buddy, suck it up. You are bound to come across some things you dislike heavily in your course, but there will definitely be bits you will absolutely adore about it. You didn’t like that piece of chicken breast you got given but you loved the drumstick? It’s the same in all situations. Enjoying one part but not the other can make things quite difficult, it makes the journey to the other side much more difficult than you think. Life isn’t all about butterflies and flowers, if you were mature enough you’d see past these beauties and understand how hard they have worked to get to where they are. I’m not saying that you MUST enjoy every part of your degree, but learn to understand and accept the fact that things do get tough, things to get shitty along the way and it sometimes isn’t easy to handle certain situations. Just enjoy it. If this isn’t your final semester, you’re going to experience this whole thing again soon.

So take a break, stretch your crippled body and relax. Take time to actually understand what you are learning and find ways to make it enjoyable if it is honestly the worst thing for you right now. The knowledge you are acquiring, the knowledge you are developing will most likely become the tools you’ll need to get your foot in the door of your dream career. Or even better, help you start your own business.

T.


 

A terrifying truth 

We have our busy days, days where we are so immersed in our daily lives. Whether it be our career, our education, our life goals that we are working towards or just ourselves in general. We also have our lazy days, days where we spend alone or with friends, watching tv series after tv series or having a simple brunch date. Life seems perfect at almost every point if you think about it that way. It seems like everything you felt like you needed in life was set, and you couldn’t ask for anymore. But what if…a piece was to be removed from your oh so perfect picture of yours tomorrow? What would today be like?

It seems quite obnoxious just thinking about it, what will be different and what will remain the same? Such a flustered thought isn’t it. When a time comes where something or someone was simply plucked out of your life; without a forethought, without any sign of warning presented to you, how prepared are we to face that reality. It almost seems impossible to predict the future and truth be told, if we were able to then what’s it to life many might ask? But if we were able to, just once; just for a slight moment…what would we change and how much of a change would that bring about?

I wish, you wished; we wished..that we could change something we did or spent a little more time with that someone or chose to do A instead of B.

A trip back down memory lane when a spontaneous trip was planned to visit my grandparents a few weeks back. There I stood in front of their graves and a flood of memories came back smacking me in the face. At this point where I am overly stressed and overwhelmed at the amount of work and things I needed to get done, all this did not matter when I stood in front of my grandparents. This became quite personal to me because it reminded me of how they lived their lives, how selfless and loving they were, how they were followers of Christ, how they acted as servants of Christ and how they ultimately became the reason I chose to be a Christian myself. It made me realise  how lucky I am right now. Though at times I really don’t think I am because I feel like I lack this and I lack that. And despite all the hardship, at that moment nothing mattered because I knew, that because of them I could have a fulfilled and satisfied life under God’s covenant.

Life does take a toll on us sometimes, whether in sickness or whether in loss. But being able to have an anchor to hold you tight and keep you safe, it really does give you another opportunity to look at life a different way. Sometimes we may experience the most terrible of terrible but in light of that situation, we become better, we learn to do it differently next time, we swear upon ourselves to make sure it won’t happen again.

Truth; it could hurt sometimes but hey, for good or for worse, be thankful that you’re alive to experience it. Be thankful that for the many years ahead of you, you will know what to do.

In Christ,
T.

A piece of sweet before a cup of bitter

The word comfortable seems a bit ambiguous. It can be used on so many levels yet at the same time, it can carry a meaning that is worth so much to someone. Being comfortable nowadays seems like or is a necessity to almost everyone and don’t get me wrong; I too prefer comfort in any situation. But…can one be too comfortable? Or can it mean something more? Or different?

It takes many by surprise; or at least for some people that the phrase coming out of your shell” can often be interpreted in so many ways. Some may think that it is an act of showing your true self to the whole world, doing things you wouldn’t normally do in front of people; but when you say ‘true-self’, does that mean you weren’t really being who you really are? while others may think that it is ‘becoming’ a different person to who people thought you really were in the beginning; adding some sugar and spice to who you are right now. Either way, it just seems like everyone is ‘putting on a show’, in order to fit into this so-called society.

Having said so, because of this mindset, we have come to the point to expect things to be in a particular way but then realising that it had turned out to be the total opposite; or even something we don’t expect at all..Had we not been distorted and manipulated by the media, with these so-called #goals or such fanatical expectations, none of this would happen. We’ve all been led to think that in everything we do, whether in friendships, relationships, in study or even careers that they all should lead to a certain result. Expectations rise and fall, momentary feelings linger here and there and then..it simply disappears; it just ends up looking and feeling like a never-ending circle of emotions.

When especially in relationships, an important factor is to really…to be who you really are, not someone your partner wants you to be. And when things start to get out of hands, having to put the pride and dignity card on the line at almost every verge of argument seems like a pretty big price. Big or not, it doesn’t seem like it will be worth it. Will it be worth being who you are and finding the right person that will cherish you and your personality, or put on a show to only end up putting yourself in a distressed and upsetting situation; and when you reveal what’s under that mask of yours, will things be any different for you or them? In all honesty, whether by choice or not it doesn’t seem like a plausible decision to make in the first place anyway, and frankly speaking, why do we need to care or worry about what others think? And ultimately, who are we to judge when our Father above is the one true judge over us all? #worthy (lol just being ironic).

We all tend to ‘put on a show’ while we try to ‘get’ with that person or reach a certain goal in hope to be in a better place. And when we do end up getting with them or get there, things inevitably start to change; for the good and the bad. With expectations hitting us from all direction its hard (even I admit it) to still be yourself and be comfortable at the same time.
So I think its okay to be okay about being uncomfortable and whatever it is that you want to do that you don’t want to because you’re afraid, that’s all the more reason to do it.

T.

Neglection 

There comes those days where we become shadowed and immersed into a life that we thought was right for us, while neglecting things that were once a huge part of our lives. We knew what we truly wanted yet we use all that we have to try and defy against it. Many would try and replace it and hope that it would suffice; but having done so over and over, as time passed it just doesn’t seem like it would work anymore. It always seems quite hilarious at times because you think that you’d be truly happy about yourself and thus always living life as if tonight was your last on earth. But when that moment of realisation appears like a flickering light bulb, it seemed so clear to you that you desperately needed what you once neglected back in your life. One may stumble and feel that they have committed the unforgivable, while another may fear that it has become unretrievable.

But at the end of the day, the only thing that is ultimately holding you back is the willingness to combat those struggles so that you can once again see the light that you tried ever so hard to hide from. The light that once made you smile everyday and looked forward to each sunrise. 

For ‘No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.’ 1 Cor. 10:13

T.

I speak to you; on a very personal level

Sure, it’s nice to feel warm and intimate. But I imagine there isn’t one of us reading It today who hasn’t hit a point in their lives where tender just won’t cut it. We need something we can cling to. Something solid. Something that cannot be shaken. We need promises – both kept and made. We need to know that the Story we are staking our lives on isn’t simply the words of man, artfully crafted to give us a daily boost in the “feel goods.”

God-breathed (out of the mouth of God!), means TRUTH. It means it’s real. It means we can count on it, die for it – stake our whole lives on it!

If something is God-breathed, it is truly, unmistakably from Him. Timothy tells us, “All scripture is breathed out by God,” (2 Timothy 3:16) and Peter tells us that “no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.” (2 Peter 1:21) So, what does this mean for Scripture? What does this mean for us? In short, it means it was on purpose. From Genesis to Revelation, it is complete. In real life, God chose men over a span of thousands of years and, through the direct inspiration of the Holy Spirit, His word was breathed into being. No mistakes were made. And, it is complete.  

It means the God who breathed the breath of life into Adam’s nostrils (Genesis 2:7), breathed the only living and active document into being as well – a means to say all that He would ever need to say to the world He created. It took time. It is timeless.

And this is where it gets personal again. Because we know that the Bible is the totally-truthful breath of God – the only voice of God we will ever hear or ever need to hear until He returns – we know that to read it means to hear the voice of God spoken to us Every. Single. Day. And writing it on our hearts in memorization means to carry that with us everywhere we go.

How can we bear to close its pages?

More on: http://shereadstruth.com

With love, T. 

Memory Lane #2

…I stood by as I saw her close the door of that vehicle. For some reason I felt a chill down my spine; perhaps it was the sudden cool wind that just blew past. And in a blink of an eye the vehicle disappeared into the darkness.

Her view above the dashboard were nothing but passing street lights, glimmering together like a string of light. Heading towards the road which seemed like it never ended, she had her bag tucked closely next to her legs. She glanced over at the time on the car screen. The bright light pierced her eyes, causing her to squint. 22:47, she mumbled to herself. Great, seems like there is plenty of time. She looked over to the driver; though it was dark, she could see clearly.  They exchanged smiles; nothing more. She leaned back onto the head rest of the seat, and as she swept her hair back and took a deep breath, she reassured herself that although tonight may be a night to remember, but it was also a night she may feel guilty of for the rest of her life.

The tires of the vehicle screeched to a halt as she arrived at what seems to look like a plain and simple house from the front, but what goes on behind that closed-door gave her meaning for this night of escape…

(to bo continued)
T.